Coming Back 'Round

I found a book at my hometown's library the other day. The book is called 7.

Well. The full title is, 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess by Jen Hatmaker, a pastor's wife and church planter who lives in Austin, Texas.

The basic premise reads as this: she, her husband, occasionally their three children,  and a small group of her friends she dubbed as "The Council" chose seven areas of excess and created some sort of fast for each for one month.  The seven topics were food, clothes, possessions, media, waste, spending, and stress. I'm only in the middle of the third month right now. The book reads like a diary, she wrote every other day or so about how the fasts were going and what she was learning.

For lack of better words, she's an extroverted hoot. I probably wouldn't be able to handle her. Actually, because she has a fantastic sense of humor she probably wouldn't be able to handle me because I'd be laughing the whole time she'd be talking.

But, this lady is so very sincere. She loves so very fiercely. She knows her stuff but isn't afraid to admit she's wrong or messed up.

Jen Hatmaker is reminding me about crazy passionate people. Unapologetically passionate about something of God so much you talk about it all the time even if you annoy your family and friends. So passionate you do everything you can in the name of that something.

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While I was reading, I realized something. I used to be like that.

Call it childish naivety, but I was going to change the world.

Eventually, I got so tired of being alone in that passion. I was tired of no one caring. Because in all seriousness, most people don't give a damn about anything. We're scared, we think it's not cool, and who would look out for number one if we're helping others? I got jaded in my isolation and in the environment I was in.

Today when people say things like I used to, I inwardly shake my head and cynically think "been there, done that, good luck with that." 

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The more I think about it, the more I realize why Jesus said “Let the children come to me…. [T]he Kingdom of God belongs to those who are like these children."

Don't you love/hate it when kids get super excited over stuff and won't shut up about it? Well, I'm pretty sure that's what Jesus meant. Passion.

In the movie "Amazing Grace" the character William Pitt, eventual British Prime Minister and friend of William Wilberforce stated that "...we're too young to realize that certain things are impossible!"

Children are foolish enough to do things that adults think they're too cool for or have too much responsibility for.

For the past year or two, I've been frightened of anybody mentioning radical love and radical action. Because I used to be excited and ready to do those things. Now all I worry about is if I'll have enough money or if I'll have to make awkward conversation or get to know people I don't particularly want to get to know. I made a bubble that I can stretch but never, never break. Because it would cost me my selfish comfort. I carry around "irresponsible responsibility" as Mark Batterson called it in his book Wild Goose Chase. "Responsibility" that we use as an excuse to not do the right thing.

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Last night I went to a meeting for an organization on campus that promotes awareness about human trafficking. My new friends there talked about boycotting chocolate, buying fair trade t-shirts to sell for fundraising, and making big plans for awareness projects. These were things I used to do things about, believe in, and dream about. These were things I had more or less given up. Yet, He's brought be back.

This post did not go as planned. But it turned into what it has, because God is ever so slowly turning me step by step back to His call. His call of justice, of changing the world, of caring for the issues and people He so dearly loves, of working and dreaming big dreams of His kingdom. Doing hard things that don't always turn out the way you think they should. Failing. Being in awkward situations. Giving up stuff. Picking up a cross.

I think He's bringing me back 'round to His radical love, and I am so, so ready to dream again.