2015 Reading Challenge

In 2015 I've decided to read more. My lovely friend Rebakah wrote a post on her 2015 reading goal of reading 50 books! My abilities is not quite up to par with reading 50 books this year, but I will be participating in the same reading challenge with her, Modern Mrs. Darcy's Reading Challenge. The goal is 12 books from 12 different categories for each of the 12 months. I'm hoping that maaaaaybe I'll be able to finish early and maaaaaaaybe get to 20 books in 2015. We'll see! 

Here are the categories and the books I've designated for each:

• a book you've been meaning to read -- Tables in the Wilderness by Preston Yancey
• a book published this year
• a book in a genre you don't usually read -- (potentially) The Green Mile by Stephen King
• a book from your childhood -- (potentially and taking cue from Rebekah) The Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank
• a book your mom loves 
• a book that was originally written in a different language -- The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson
• a book "everyone" has read but you -- The Giver by Lois Lowry 
• a book you chose because of the cover
• a book by a favorite author -- either A Year of Biblical Womanhood or Searching for Sunday by Rachel Held Evans
• a book recommended by someone with great taste -- Ocean at the End of the Lane by Neil Gaiman
• a book you should have read in high school -- (potentially) Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card 
• a book that's currently on the bestseller list -- either Wild by Cheryl Strayed or I am Malala by Malala Yousafzai 

And here we go! I finished The Giver on Friday, and I just started The Ocean at the End of the Lane. 

Do you have any reading goals this year?

Participate and Simplify

We are currently 13 days, 2 hours, and 25 minutes into 2015.

I'm feeling rather hopeful about this year. The months leading up to it were filled with a lot of new and wonderful people and experiences.

This Mary Oliver quote to the left is my ambition, the mindset that I want to chase.

I've decided upon two words to help me flesh these out this year.

Participate and Simplify.

///

In 2015, these are some of my aspirations.

I want to meet more people and make new friends. I want to further develop the friendships I have. 

I want to have as much fun as possible. 

I want to find a like-minded community of people.

I want to set priorities. I want to find simplicity and develop minimalism.

I want to be more aware. 

I want to be the one who shows up.

In short, I want to participate.

///

On a more detailed scale, here are my other 2015 aspirations: 

I want to create a budget.

I want to get rid of more clothes and things.

I want to give up solo Netflix binges. I have two or three TV shows I keep up with, and I want that to be it.

I want to downsize what I spend my free time on. I have the tendency to pick up hobbies like pebbles on a beach. I want to give up some of the smaller ones and focus on the ones I enjoy more.

I want to act. Procrastinating is a sorry excuse for spending time, and I need to stop being lazy and giving into it.

I want to start reading a book or two a month.

In short, I want to simplify.

///

These are my probably over-ambitious hopes for 2015. It seems like a lot, but my life has been heading in this directing for a couple months now. This is my way of honing in on what I think is important right now, to Participate and Simplify.

There was a lot of change that led up to 2015. I'm sensing that it is going to be a full year. I have a lot of hope and anticipation and I'm looking forward to tackling it moment by moment, one day at a time.

It is now 13 days, 3 hours, and 19 minutes into 2015. What are your aspirations for this year?

Magnificent Messiness

Someone said to me the other day, "this has been a difficult season for you, hasn't it?"

I answered "well… um… yes. But it's been really good too."

Then I thought about it.

Three years ago, I was a senior in high school. Emotionally and mentally I hit rock bottom. I was drowning in a dark place, fighting for a ray of sunshine. On the outside I was okay. On the inside I was in an almost constant cry for help. Trying to be the perfect person had worn away at my being and I couldn't hold myself together anymore. I could no longer be perfect. I could no longer be better. I didn't know how to just be.

Today? I'm happy. I'm okay with my imperfections; I embrace them, they make me who I am. I love myself and know I am loved. I love other people fiercely and I love them for who they are, not who they should be.

Two years ago I was a freshman in college. The loneliest year I have ever experienced. When I wasn't in class or at work, I was in my dorm or in the library. I didn't fit in anywhere, and no one cared about anything or anyone. It takes a lot to make me cry, but I can't remember how many times I called my parents sobbing. I'd sit in the campus café trying to study and realize it'd been four days since I'd last had a real conversation with anyone.

Today? I live with one of my best friends. I've also crawled out of this shell of mine, and this semester I've gotten to know so many beautiful, unconventional people that I adore and can't get enough of. Thanks to a friend's invitations and me taking off my blinders, my life is so very full and I am so, so thankful.

One year ago, I had a lot of questions. I lived with a few wonderful people who helped me with a lot of it. But I didn't know who or how to talk to about everything. I didn't know what different stories looked like, and I didn't know how to handle it when my story took unexpected turns. Questions upon questions led to a lot of seeking and I found myself not at a crossroads but in the middle of a nowhere with no inkling of what my next steps should be.

Today? Today I'm still seeking, but I know I'm not alone. Today I'm okay with mystery. I'm occupying spaces I hadn't before and it's been different and scary, but it's been so very good. Today I embrace our diverse, imperfect, magnificent stories. My story doesn't have to look a specific way; I am forging my own way with directed steps.

So… no. This has not been a difficult season. This has actually been an incredibly beautiful season. Full of incredibly beautiful friends, old and new. 

You see, the most beautiful things are also the most messy. This has been a messy season. Full of screw-ups, awkward moments, new things, doubts, and misfit people. 

Yes. Because of the person I am, I have very bad days. Days I question whether or not I have really thrown off the darkness like I thought I had. People disappoint you. You disappoint you. Life disappoints you. You question things so deep that you wonder if you are still you. But I've learned to appreciate and embrace and fully feel these days. Because these days exist and dare I say we need them.

Perfection is something I have given up, and fear is something I am in the process of giving up. Because they go hand-in-hand. If you are so focused on being perfect you become a fearful person, afraid of anything or anyone who will taint your perfection. But let me tell you a secret: that is no way to live this life and that is no way to love people.

So here's to our messes. Here's to our messy stories. Here's to magnificent messy people.

In the words of Sarah Bessy from her book, Jesus Feminist, “I want to be outside with the misfits, with the rebels, the dreamers, the second-chance givers, the radical grace lavishers, the ones with arms wide open, the courageously vulnerable.”

That is what I want, that is what I am seeking, that is what I am starting to live.

And I am so incredibly, deep-down-in-my-heart thankful.

Twenty Thanks

Happy Autumn

On the 20th of the month, here's 20 things that I am thankful for, in no particular order:

• Autumn with bright blue skies, stormy weather, and sweater weather
• Housemates and late night talks
• Instagram where new friends are made
• The Collection's latest album Ars Moriendi because it is my soul (if you want to know anything about me, go listen to that album [right here])
• People who are honest and live their life without regrets, grudges, or agendas (Seriously. The agenda thing? Stop.)
• Late night solo art projects for my campus organization
• The Christian blogger communities I follow (and stalk on twitter)
• Little brothers and their advice
• My new tattoo that is gorgeous and I love and adore and try to show off no matter what I'm wearing
• My wonderful wonderful job
• My "church sabbatical" of sorts; detoxing from my own cynicism & fear, learning through good books, and the Lord meeting me in solitude
• Lexington and the community the people are working hard to create and build and make better
• Parents who listen to me prattle, talk about decisions, and give me garden tomatoes
• Letting go of pressures, anxiety, deep-rooted fear, outsiders' opinions, and my own unnecessary apologies
• Kentucky, because I finally love it here
• Very gladly being the person who can show up, who can help, who can just be for others
• The changing of majors and (hopefully) finally finding my passion
• Chick-fil-A's Market Salad for doing salads right
• The Oh Hellos and Needtobreathe for an astounding show
• Ideas, passions, callings, and the mulling over of all the things that I refuse to let go of no matter how far off they are and praying I have the strength to fight for them

 And an extra: Noah Gundersen "Poor Man's Son"

 

What are you thankful for today?

How Do You Want Your Life to Feel?

I'm determined to make this blogging thing work. But because I usually can't think of anything to write about and/or that you'd want to read, I go find suggestions via the internet. I found a lovely list of 50 blog post ideas on Gala Darling and number 27 caught my eye.

"Write about how you want your life to feel."

Since I am in college, the idea of what we want to do with our lives comes up a lot. Since I'm a junior, this comes up a little more urgently in the form of what internships we're planning on? what we're doing to beef up our resumes? and how are you going to thoroughly get rid of our originality so we can stand out in the job market and get a career and start doing that American dream thing?

I'm a little overwhelmed and pissed off, if you can't tell.

I'm just not the kind of person to do something because it's expected. If I want to be a certain place in my life and a "career" is how I get there, then I'll do it. But (at least for right now) I just desire a simple, low-stress life. Hell, I'd be happy as a waitress. So. Quit talking to me about career and professionalism. Because I don’t want it.

Now that I've given you a taste of all the negativeness I feel, let me tell you what I do want. Let me tell you how I want my life to feel.

I want my life to feel generous and hospitable and compassionate and creative and adventurous and loving.

I do not want to be so focused on a goal that I pass by people and not have time for them.

As young as I may sound when I say it, at the end of the day, I still want to be me. I cannot always check myself at the door in order to get a job done. I am who I am, this is my story.

I want to live a life of "responsible irresponsibility" as author Mark Batterson stated. I want to be dependent and depended up in community. I want to dig roots deep down and have a family of friends to come home to. But if I feel the call to go study culinary arts in New York City or run an orphanage in Romania or hike the entire Appalachian Trail, I damn well will go. I do not want to be tied down.

I want a life without fear. I want to love other people and invite them into my home and my life. I want to ask questions without being reprimanded. I want to love people of all different backgrounds and walks of life. I want to leave a prayer meeting to go drive my drunk friend home from a bar.

I want to create every. single. day. As if creativity were as necessary as eating. I want to teach something creative and knowledge to children and parents. I want to rebuild the humanity in people that this world and its systems has crushed and buried and denied.

I want to live a life without regrets. I refuse to wake up one day and regret loving a person, taking a risk, or pushing myself. I want to live without the pressure of pleasing others. I want to respect them and honor them, but I will not live my life according to others' expectations.

I want to live, moment by moment, a life that Jesus would smile at.

I am far, far, far from my life being this way. Some fault lies with my actions, some fault lies in my youth, some fault lies in the season of life that I am in. 

But no matter what I do for a living, where I live, or how much money I earn in a year, what I described above is what I want. This is the life that I want to work and grow towards, this is what I want my life to feel like.

What about you? What do you want your life to feel like?

Trying

Long time no see, my little corner of the interwebs.

We're about to turn a new leaf into September, and it is time I start writing again.

First, a quick recap:

May 11th through July 16th involved me working 50 to 60 hours a week between my fulltime temp job at Amazon.com, the part-time job I've had for two years, and my piano lessons.

May 31st I moved into my new house with two of my best friends. We get along beautifully, and I adore having our own place. Our tiny porch is my favorite.

July 19th through the 26th I spent in Wisconsin visiting family and hanging with my brother for the first real time all summer due to both our busy schedules.

The rest of my break (til August 18th) involved getting ready for school and seeing a few high school friends before we all went our separate ways.

Viola! There was my summer. Not my favorite. But I learned a lot. And grew. And met some cool people that I'll probably never see again.

Favorite events of August before include (in no particular order):

Seeing my favorite band, The Collection, live at a radio recording with my brother and:

• Them playing five songs, three of which were my three favorites off the album
• (Seemingly) being the only people there who were familiar with their  music
• Telling the regulars of the radio show about The Collection
• Hearing the interview with the band
• Getting to talk to the lead singer/instigator of the band, him recognizing me from Instagram, and my brother and I basically getting invited to North Carolina for a bonfire at their house

WoodSongs Old Time Radio Hour
Source

 

Going to the PGA Championship in Louisville:

• With my dad
• Where on the last day the game was delayed due to pouring rain and dad and I had lots of fun through it all
• Snapping pictures of Rory McIlroy and (an illegal) one of Phil Mickelson

Backyard Bonnaroo:

• With old high school friends
• At my friend's magical house/backyard
• Eating yummy food
• Staying up late learning about each other's lives since high school

Then classes started, and I paid way too much for books. I also remembered how much I hate college and subsequently discovered I have the least motivation I have ever experienced in the four semesters previous to this. But I'm working on it. Ish.

In other bits of news, some parts of my life have been shaken up immensely. Several events/books/blogs/albums led to a floodgate opening up in my head and it'll take me awhile to process. Right now I'm spending Sundays reading, writing, and listening to music all in an effort to find my feet again. I'm trying to enjoy the journey.

If you want to follow me further, I'm on Instagram & Twitter as @barefoot_rach.

To end, here's a video of The Collection from (I think) a show they just had in NC. The next time I see them live I want to go to a show like this, where I won't be the only one singing along.

 

xoxo

Closing Spring

Hello my friends.

I managed to blog for every week in February, but once midterms and spring break hit in March my life pretty much turned into homework and driving places. But that's okay, because I have a week of classes and then finals and I'll be done with this semester and officially half-way through my undergraduate career.

Here's the last couple months in review.

I don't remember much about March. Other than the fact that I turned 20, I had Spring Break and hung with my brother, and I went exploring a bit at a beautiful spot on my usual commute.

Sun.

In April I explored a portion of the John Holder Trail. I only got so far before I had to turn around due to muddy trails, the threat of rain, and shoes not made for hiking. But I shall go back.

Mud.

Also in April, April 9th to be exact, I participated in a human trafficking awareness event on my campus with the organization I am a member of AND got to see the one and only John Mark McMillan in concert with a good friend. The concert was small, we were standing right in front, people were dancing, everyone sang along, and it was overall the best concert experience I've had (and I've seen Mumford & Sons).

JMM & Jude Moses were three feet in front of us at this point.

On Easter I went driving and hiking with my parents in the Red River Gorge. It was the first time I'd been to the RRG, and I can't wait to go back this summer for some extended hiking.

"Red River Gorgeous"

Other developments include the Lord giving my friends and I a house to rent, Him giving me a summer job working forty hours a week with a schedule that works around my current job, and hopefully visiting family later in the summer.

I have a feeling that this summer will be a mini season of preparation that serves as a bridge to the next major seasons of my life. I am looking forward to what develops and what I do with my time when I'm not working. I hope it is a restful summer that prepares me for next year but most of all I hope it is a productive summer of activity and learning and growing and involvement. 

As a sneak peak, I have big plans for this blog and I look forward to developing this space as well as fine-tuning my vision and purpose for it. Thank you in advance for hanging on for the ride!

To end this post, here's Brady Toops, the artist who opened for John Mark McMillan, singing his song "Lord Have Mercy." Prepare yourself, his voice is too beautiful.

xoxo